The future...

I graduate in four months. That is both exciting and terrifying to me. Yes I'll be excited to have a four year BA degree. But I honestly have no idea what I'm supposed to do after graduation and that is scary. I like knowing. I like having a plan. I like to-do lists. I like structure and organization. And I don't like not knowing. And now I'll be stepping into the unknown.

Part of the problem is that there are 50 million (okay maybe not that many, but certainly a lot) of things I want to do, degrees I want to have, and life change that I want to happen. Sometimes I wonder if I'm truly missing it all and I'm not supposed to do any of the things that I think I want to do and I'm supposed to do something totally different.

Yet as much as I don't know my future, I know God does. Jeremiah 29:11 says that, "I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD..." He knows. It doesn't say that I know, it says that he knows. He knows what's next. He knows whether I'll go back to school (and for which degree), he knows if I'll go on a missions trip, he knows what he has planned for me and he won't fail me. He will take care of me. He knows so I don't have to worry and fret (which is a lot easier said then done).

My life doesn't belong to me. It belongs to him. And during this time of unknowns, I'll keep seeking and searching for his presence, because no matter what I end up doing, that's where I want to be: in his presence: worshipping, loving, being.

Psalms

So I started this new class at school a few weeks ago called "Introduction to the Psalms". Our first assignment was to write a personal psalm to God and then turn it in. I was lucky enough that the professor had me read mine out loud in class... so since I've already shared it with the class I thought I would share it with whoever reads this thing. Oh yeah, and if you actually read my blog... let me know. I'd love to know what you think about my thoughts. Anyway, here's the psalm I wrote:

O God, I am overwhelmed with life
Existing is exhausting, Lord
Day after day, I continue on with no respite
I can never seem to catch my breath
Yet everyday you send love letters to me
Your affectionate displays are around me always
I only need to open my eyes to see them
If I would just awake to my surroundings, there you would be
God, you are waiting for and pursuing me
My heart is being wooed and won by my Lord
Your affection I can’t begin to fathom
Your love is beyond my comprehension
You chose me before I was born
Yes, before time began I belonged to you