Moments

There's a bunch of stuff I could be doing right now.

Instead I'm sitting here, typing, listening to Jesus music, spending time with Jesus and trying to process the last couple of days.

My heart is sad.

My heart is sad because there's this family who's pretty amazingly special to me.  This family is my family when I'm not with my actual family.  This is a family who I've grown with, loved with, laughed with, and been challenged with.

And I found out earlier this week that they'll be moving at least several hours away.

And that makes my heart sad because I'm going to miss them like crazy.  I love these people so much.

Some moments I'm okay.  When I'm with people, with them, I'm usually okay.  Mostly because I'm focused on making sure everyone else is okay and I'm keeping busy.  I'm too busy praying silently for other people as we hold each other to think about what my heart's feeling.

But I have my moments.

When someone says something sweet about this family.  When someone else starts crying.  When someone reaches in for a hug.  When I just stop and let myself think and process.

In those moments I turn into an emotional basket case of tears.  Like my friend said, it comes in waves. I'll be fine one minute and bawling the next.  Trying not to sob.  Like right now while I'm typing this.

It happens at strange times.  Like when I walked in the door tonight and started to make dinner.  I was grating cheese and just started sobbing.  Still not quite sure what set that bout of tears off.

But even in that moment of sobbing and grating cheese, my first instinct was that I needed some time with Jesus.  I needed to let him comfort my heart, pull me close and wipe my tears.  I needed him to speak truth and love to my heart.
And he has.

It's in these moments that he reminds me of his character.  That he is good.  That he is love.  That he is faithful.  And that I can trust him.

I honestly don't know how people deal with things when they don't have Jesus.  Because in those moments when I break down, it's not especially pretty.  But in even the tears, there's still hope.   There's still peace.  There's still the gentle whisper of God's love.

And in those whispers, God reminds me that his love travels many miles.  And the love that this family and I have for each other will travel many miles.  Distance won't change the love we have for each other.  It just may have to change the way that love is expressed. Vacations to see each other instead of every weekend.  Letters, texts, emails, and Skype dates instead of lunch dates, coffee dates, and sleep overs.  Still haven't found a replacement for the hugs yet though...I'll just have to stock up with as many as possible before they leave.

So basically, all this to say, I'm going to be sad.  And that's okay, because that means that I really love my friends and I'm going to miss them.  I'm going to be happy, because they're going to get to do awesome things where they're going and I'm going to get to do awesome things here.

And in all those moments, the happy and the sad, I'm going to run to Jesus.  Because he gets it.  He understands.  He knows.  And he gives some pretty awesome hugs too.  And my heart desperately needs them.

Offering Grace...

I read something that made my heart hurt today.

Someone posted an article on Facebook about a Christian Music Artist who has come out of the closet. She's trying to reconcile her lifestyle with her faith. That in and of itself was enough to make my heart break a little, but what really made my heart hurt was what followed.

The article was on website that after people read the article they can post comments on and about the article. Reading those comments made my heart hurt. To see the hate that people proclaiming to be Christians was heartbreaking. I hate it!! Honestly, I don't agree with her lifestyle and the way that she is choosing to represent her faith. However, I have more of a problem with the arguing, hurtful comments, and misrepresentation of the Christian faith by those who leave comments on these articles.

Jesus commands us to love. How were these people's actions loving? How many people are continually turned off to Jesus because this is the "Jesus" they see?

I am by no means perfect. Trust me, I'm far from it. Yet, I hope when I fall, the Christians around me offer grace instead of condemnation, love instead of hate, and truth spoken in love instead of beating people over the head with it. And I pray that I have the same reaction to the Christians around me when they fall because I want to represent my Jesus the best way I know how: showing love, offering grace, and speaking the truth with love.