Knowing my heart

Coughing sucks.  I was told today that I sounded like an asthmatic. And I do, it's kinda sad.  Allergies are upon us and even though my new allergy meds are working, I can't take too deep of a breath or I go into a coughing fit.  Or I just go into a coughing fit for no apparent reason.  It makes me tired.

But these last few days have been good as well.  I've had some fun phone conversations and even had some time to just rest which I desperately needed.  It was good.  There's a reason God tells us to take a sabbath.  Our bodies can't handle going without stopping.  And my body needed to rest to handle the upcoming week. Especially if I'm going to be coughing like this for any length of time.

I got to spend some time with a friend tonight.  And we just talked and relaxed and got to know what was happening in each other's lives.  It was good.

It's those times, those relaxing, rejuvenating, kairos times, that allow us to continue living without going insane. And it's in those times that we can be quiet before God and listen to him.  We can get to know his heart.  And it's a time when he can reveal our hearts too us.  Because all too often, I don't know my own heart.  And until I spend some time with my Jesus, I won't know.  He knows my heart so well.  Way better than I could ever hope to know.  And I love that.

(And I couldn't pick just a few verses from this chapter... so I put the whole one :-)

Psalm 139

For the choir director: A psalm of David.

 ¹ O Lord, you have examined my heart
      and know everything about me.
 ² You know when I sit down or stand up.
      You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
 ³ You see me when I travel
      and when I rest at home.
      You know everything I do.
 ⁴ You know what I am going to say
      even before I say it, Lord.
 ⁵ You go before me and follow me.
      You place your hand of blessing on my head.
 ⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
      too great for me to understand!

 ⁷ I can never escape from your Spirit!
      I can never get away from your presence!
 ⁸ If I go up to heaven, you are there;
      if I go down to the grave, you are there.
 ⁹ If I ride the wings of the morning,
      if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
 ¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
      and your strength will support me.
 ¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me
      and the light around me to become night—
    ¹² but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
   To you the night shines as bright as day.
      Darkness and light are the same to you.

 ¹³ You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
      and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 ¹⁴ Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
 ¹⁵ You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
      as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
 ¹⁶ You saw me before I was born.
      Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
   Every moment was laid out
      before a single day had passed.

 ¹⁷ How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
      They cannot be numbered!
 ¹⁸ I can’t even count them;
      they outnumber the grains of sand!
   And when I wake up,
      you are still with me!

 ¹⁹ O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
      Get out of my life, you murderers!
 ²⁰ They blaspheme you;
      your enemies misuse your name.
 ²¹ O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
      Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
 ²² Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
      for your enemies are my enemies.

 ²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
      test me and know my anxious thoughts.
 ²⁴ Point out anything in me that offends you,
      and lead me along the path of everlasting life.