Whispers...

I have to say, I'm a bit overwhelmed.  I haven't been on my blog in about a month.  I've been moving back home to Michigan and celebrating my sister's graduation from highschool.  In the midst of that all, I started looking at applying for Grad school.  The program I'm looking at is a MA in Written Communication with an emphasis in Teaching Writing.  And this weekend was just one of those weekends when I started questioning myself again.

As I found myself talking about future plans with old friends at grad parties, answering their questions about what I might be doing in the future and that I'm such a great writer, I heard these words come out of my mouth, more than once, in response to their praise: "Yeah, I guess..."  Seriously??? I love to write.  It's a passion.  I love to teach.  I've wanted to teach for years. And that's what comes out of my mouth when people tell me I have a gift?

But that was honestly how I was feeling.  I was having trouble, once again, thinking that I am gifted in this area.  I was having trouble believing that God had a purpose in my writing.

And then, just a few moments ago, I got on here.  And I was literally blown away.  In fact I almost started crying.  You see, blogger has this tool that tells you how many people have read your blog on certain days (even specific hours if it's the current day), how they got to your blog,  what country they're from, and a whole bunch of other things.  It's pretty cool and if I've posted a lot then I tend to check it a lot.  But I hadn't posted in over a month and I hadn't checked my "stats" in over a month.  I even have a list going of all the different countries that read my blog.  Normally views are way down if I haven't written lately.  But today.  Today was different.  I got on and saw that yesterday, when I was doubting my writing ability, I had 27 page views.  Today, I'd had ten already.  Last month, when I posted only one or two times, there were over 100 pages views.  That may not seem like a lot to some people.  But to me it means there are people actually reading this.  People who keep coming back to read.  When I got on today, three new countries had viewed my blog.  I have readers in Iran, Slovenia, Croatia, Australia, the United Arab Emirates, China, Japan, and more.  And God blew me away.

It was his gentle voice I heard saying, "Look, people are reading.  You have a gift.  I have given you that gift.  Use it.  Hone it.  Pursue it.  Teach others to use their gifts. Don't believe the lie for a minute that you can't write. I have given you the ability to write.  I have given you the ability to create.  You are made in my image and I love you. Work hard. Don't give up."

And I needed to hear that whisper.