Tuesday, November 19, 2013

18th Re-brithday

It's been 18 years.  In some ways it's hard to believe it's been that long.  I was so young when I made the decision, only 10 days past my 7th birthday.  November 19th, 1995: the day I chose to give my life to Jesus and live for him.

Some people may say that I was too young to really know what I was doing when I gave my life to Jesus and the truth is I didn't understand it all.  But I knew what I did understand.  I knew, even at 7 years old, that I was a sinner.  And that because I had sinned, Jesus had to die on the cross.  But the good news was that he didn't stay dead.  Three days later he came back to life.  And because of the work he did on the cross, I could have my sins forgiven and spend eternity with Him.  I knew that He would always be with me and never leave me.

So, on that night, I did what Romans 10:9 says: "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

I've never regretted it.

Not for one minute.

I haven't always been the best at following Jesus.  I have sinned, repeatedly.  I have inwardly walked away from him. I have ignored what he has told me.

But He's still there.

And He still loves me.

And so, as I celebrate my 18th re-birthday, I'm thankful.  I'm thankful for what Jesus has done.  I'm thankful that He never gives up on me.  I'm thankful that He has held me so close this last year.  I'm thankful that He draws me close to His heart everyday.  I'm thankful for all the tiny little ways He shows His love for me and all the great big ways He shows his love for me.

But I'm also thankful that this gift isn't just for me.  


I'm thankful that it's open to EVERYONE.

I'm thankful that if you make the same choice I did 18 years ago that Jesus will save you.  And He will walk with you. And He will hold you close.  And He will never give up on you.  And He will show you how much He loves you in countless little and big ways.

The best re-birthday gift you could give me, and the only one I really want, is for you to start asking questions.  Be curious.  Message me on Facebook, text me, email me, call me, comment here, whatever it takes, start a conversation with me.  I won't force anything on you and I'll love you no matter what you choose.

But what do you have to lose by asking a few questions?  I know I gained everything.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Intentional Quiet

I love the quiet... and I crave the quiet most days.  Quiet is when I can sit still, when I can write, when my brain can slow down long enough to form coherent thoughts again, and when God does his best speaking to me.

That last one is probably because when it's quiet, I tend to listen better.

As I've made the transition into working full-time over the last few months, I've realized that I've had to become intentional with my quiet... with taking time to be alone.  And I've had to get creative at times.

I go to the gym, by myself, almost every weekday morning at 5:30 AM.  Partly because, in my opinion, 5:30 AM is too early to have a conversation with just about anyone, but also because when I'm working out, I can tune out the rest of the world.  No one expects me to carry on lengthy conversations.  It's okay to put my headphones in and ignore the world for a little while.  Every once in awhile I like having someone to work out with.  But I guard my alone time and you have to be pretty special in order for me to give that up.

At work, when I need a break from the hundreds of conversations going on around me, my headphones go in... and sometimes I don't even turn on my music (shhhh... don't tell anyone).  But with my headphones in, I can focus a little better and people think twice about interrupting me... usually :-)  Don't get me wrong... I LOVE my co-workers and I LOVE getting to talk to them.  But sometimes I need some quiet or I will go crazy.

I'm being intentional with taking care of me.

And that's GOOD.

Because when I take care of me, I'm a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, a better person.

And I'm okay with that.  I'm learning, even more, to embrace the unique way God created me.  And I love that He knows me best and knows that when it's quiet is when I will listen the best.  It's when I'm energized and recharged and a lot of that has to do with the fact that it's God recharging me.

Yes, I'm an introvert.  But I still love people... I just need a break from you all every once in a while.  And I'm going to be intentional about it... so don't take offense :-)


Psalm 46:10

New Living Translation (NLT)
10 “Be still, and know that I am God!
    I will be honored by every nation.
    I will be honored throughout the world.”

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Writing...

I want to write.  It's been awhile since I've had that feeling.  After all, while I love my job, I do end up staring at a computer screen, reading and writing text for the better part of everyday, which makes it difficult to WANT to write when I get home.

But today the desire is there.  I want to write.

The problem?

I don't know what to write.

So I sit here and type random nonsense, hoping that at some point inspiration will kick in and I'll write something profound and meaningful and purposeful and just right for today.  But then I look at the clock and realize that I'm supposed to go to bed in a few minutes and I feel pressured and rushed and certain that nothing profound will come out of this post.

And, somehow, I'm okay with that.

Today I am okay with just getting words on "paper".  Because it means I'm writing again.  And it means that tomorrow, when I sit down to write, it will become a little bit easier because I have the beginnings of a habit.

Writing is cathartic... trying to spell cathartic, not so much...

Writing is me.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Reliance

The last 8 months have been a roller coaster of emotions.  I've had some really awesome times: times filled with laughter and joy and Jesus.  I've also had some really rough times: times filled with tears and sadness and Jesus.

Jesus has been the common denominator (see Mom! I was paying attention with math!).  He's the constant.  And I'm falling deeper in love with him everyday.

I marvel at his timing.

I'm astounded at the beauty of his word.

I'm in love with his promises.

Is everything perfect in my life right now?  No way.  Life is actually a little rough right now... not every part, but some big chunks.

But Jesus is still Jesus.  Jesus is constant.  Jesus doesn't change.  And Jesus is who I'll rely on.

Who are you relying on when things get tough?

"For the word of the Lord holds true,
    and we can trust everything he does."
Psalm 33:4

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Healthier Me

Six months ago, it felt like my heart was breaking.  Instead, through a long process of healing and drawing close to Jesus, I'm healthier than I've ever been (and I'm not talking about just physically).  So today, on what had the potential to be a very hard day for a number of reasons, I can be thankful and say:


  • I am healthier spiritually.  I am closer to Jesus than I've ever been and, while I know that I still have a long way to go in my faith walk, I'm moving closer instead of farther away.  I am continually amazed by all God is teaching me and the way he shows his love to me.  Like last night, when I was reading my devotional and this verse was the verse for that day: 
Song of Songs 1:15 
Look at you! You are beautiful, my true love!
    Look at you! You are so beautiful! 


So good.  Jesus knows me so well.


  • I am healthier emotionally. The word joy has found its way back into my vocabulary.  I LOVE life right now. Before, I think I was sad all of the time and didn't even really realize it.  Now I know what joy is.  I know how good it is to laugh.  I still cry, but I'll always cry because I'm sad, or happy, or embarrassed, or moved, or angry, or any other emotion that you can think of.  

  • I am healthier physically.  I love the gym right now.  Not only do I get to listen to some of my favorite music which translates into I get to spend some time just worshiping Jesus, but I also feel better.  I have more energy.  I have more endurance.

  • I am more me.  I like me.  I like that I'm growing closer to Jesus.  I like that I like to work out.  I like that I can cry at the drop of a hat.

I am thankful today.  Thankful that I'm a healthier person that I was six months ago.  Thankful that I love Jesus and He loves me.  Thankful for friends and family who have stuck with me and pushed me and loved on me and supported me and believed in me even when I wasn't sure I believed in myself.

Six months is a long time.  Six months is a short time.  But six months with Jesus healing your heart is the best time.  


Monday, March 18, 2013

Unsettled and Discombobulated

I've spent this morning feeling unsettled, discombobulated, and tired.  People have noticed I'm a little "off" today and I've been blaming this on exhaustion and the weather (for those of you not in Michigan it is snowing/raining/ugly out today).  It's been one of those "I wish I could pull the covers over my head and sleep the day away" days.

Yet I couldn't shake the feeling that this was more than being tired.  Too often I use being tired as an excuse.  An excuse to not deal with or figure out what's behind the exhaustion.  What emotion, conviction, or struggle is causing these unsettled feelings?

And when I couldn't get past these feelings today, I did what I should have done to start with and what I should always do: I prayed.

Immediately, I felt peace.  And I knew.  I knew that God had been trying to get my attention all morning and I was too stubborn and busy to pay attention.

I'm so thankful that he doesn't give up.

I was walking across campus while I was praying and it was the best part of my day.  God used those few minutes to speak to my heart and open my eyes to why I was tired and how I could combat the emotional and spiritual exhaustion I was feeling.

The exhaustion was due in part to the weather, but since I can't change the weather, God showed me that what I need to be doing is finding ways to bring joy into my life: I need to be serving more.

Serving brings me joy. It takes the focus off of me and how tired/drained/busy I am and how crummy the weather is and puts the focus on other people and on Jesus.

That's where it needs to be.

My heart is settled again.  And my eyes are not focused on me right now.  Instead, I'm looking toward Jesus, keeping my eyes on him, and looking for opportunities to serve.

What about you?  How are you battling exhaustion and the crummy weather?

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Love Choices

I've had these thoughts rolling around in the back of my head lately and so I've come here to help me process them.

I'm healing.  It's not so rough now.  I can get through most days without feeling like I want to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head and never leave... or if I do feel that way it's because of something unrelated to the chaos that was November.

I'm healed enough that thoughts of dating have started popping back into my head, which, since in November I swore off dating ever again (I was hurting) is progress.

And that's where I've been struggling a little bit.  Figuring out what's my timing versus what's God's timing can be difficult at times.  I have a friend who has offered to set me up with a really nice guy.  I told her I would pray about it because I wanted to make sure that my heart was in the right place and ready (or mostly ready) for something like that.

I almost didn't want to pray about it.

You see, I was scared of the answer either way.  If you've read my blog long enough, you know that change is not something I enjoy.  At all.  And the possibility of dating again meant change.  But at the same time I was scared of not being ready.  It was frustrating.

But I did pray about it.  And God told me to wait.

I hate waiting.

But I've decided to wait.  God is still healing my heart and as he is, he's teaching me a few things as well.

God is teaching me about love.

I'd be the first to tell you that love is a choice and love is a verb.  Love is not something that you fall in and out of.  Love is something you do.  It is an action and it is a conscious choice.

But I forget this in one very important relationship far too often.

I forget it in my relationship with God.

Love is a choice in my relationship with God too.  It's a love choice to spend time with him by reading his words, praying, and listening for his voice.  It's a love choice to turn on my worship music and truly engage instead of just going through the motions.  It's a love choice to set aside specific time for him everyday.

And I've been convicted.  When I was dating, I talked to my ex everyday and spent hours upon hours with him on the weekends.

When's the last time I spend hours upon hours with Jesus?

So instead of just waiting during this time that God has called me to wait, I'm going to take that time and date Jesus.  I'm going to spend meaningful time with him everyday.  And for more than just 15 minutes a day.  Because, if I'm honest, I would not have let a day pass where that would have been okay between me and my ex while we were dating.

And my relationship with Jesus is far more important to me than any human relationship I have.

What about you?  Is your love for Jesus evident in the choices you make?