Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Words.

Words.

I love them.  They're how I make my living.  They're how I spend my free time... both devouring them in the form of books and creating with them in the form of this blog and journaling and a million other ways.

I don't know what it is about words that brings me such pleasure.

But there's something about specific words that just fit.

And as I look back over the last year, there are some very specific words that come to mind that have played an important role in my life.  Words that seem to have embodied what this year meant in my life.

And I want to share them with you.

Joy.

I don't know what it is about this word.  But I love it.  I can't get enough of it.  It's actually staring at me right now as I write this in the form of a Christmas decoration I have.

I think when you've lived life at points with very little or absolutely no joy and then walk through it to a time where there is laughter and peace and joy, that you realize you never want to go back.

Joy is contagious.  Joy is life-giving.  And joy is a choice.

Joy comes from choosing Jesus.  From choosing to serve others.  From choosing to trust that God has a plan and he knows what he's doing.

Joy is one of my favorite words right now.  If I'm not careful, I could seriously buy everything in the store with the word JOY on it.  I love the reminders around my home to choose joy.

Simplicity.

One of my favorite things lately is to turn on my Christmas tree lights, light a candle, maybe turn on one lamp, and just sit.  And think (because my brain literally never shuts off).  It's a time of quiet.  It's a time of peace.  And somehow, the word that comes to mind whenever I do this is simplicity.

More and more I'm finding joy in the small things.  The simple things.  A really good chocolate chip cookie.  Purple and white Christmas tree lights.  Yummy smelling candles.  Time to sit and reflect. Simple prayers.  A mug of vanilla chai tea.  Time with people I love.  Amazing hugs.  A song on repeat.

The simple things often mean the most to me.  I don't want lavish things.  I much prefer things that let me know you know me.  That you were thinking of me.  Simple, but meaningful.

Quiet Strength.

Yes.  I realize this is two words put together.  But I love them together.  Quiet strength isn't strength that's in your face.  It's the strength that comes out when you think you're about to break.  It's the strength that people don't see until they think you're going to break.

It's not a strength that always has to have its own way.  It's not a strength that demands.

It's a strength that gives everything it has.  It's a strength that considers the needs of others.  It's a strength that loves when it's really hard to love.  It's a strength that comes from time with Jesus, in his presence.

It's the kind of strength I want to have.  The kind that I'm constantly working on.

Words are powerful.  Words can breathe life.

There are so many words that I am in love with right now.  These are just a few that have stood out over the last year.  What are some words that have spoken to you over the last year?  Are they life-giving words?

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Moments

There's a bunch of stuff I could be doing right now.

Instead I'm sitting here, typing, listening to Jesus music, spending time with Jesus and trying to process the last couple of days.

My heart is sad.

My heart is sad because there's this family who's pretty amazingly special to me.  This family is my family when I'm not with my actual family.  This is a family who I've grown with, loved with, laughed with, and been challenged with.

And I found out earlier this week that they'll be moving at least several hours away.

And that makes my heart sad because I'm going to miss them like crazy.  I love these people so much.

Some moments I'm okay.  When I'm with people, with them, I'm usually okay.  Mostly because I'm focused on making sure everyone else is okay and I'm keeping busy.  I'm too busy praying silently for other people as we hold each other to think about what my heart's feeling.

But I have my moments.

When someone says something sweet about this family.  When someone else starts crying.  When someone reaches in for a hug.  When I just stop and let myself think and process.

In those moments I turn into an emotional basket case of tears.  Like my friend said, it comes in waves. I'll be fine one minute and bawling the next.  Trying not to sob.  Like right now while I'm typing this.

It happens at strange times.  Like when I walked in the door tonight and started to make dinner.  I was grating cheese and just started sobbing.  Still not quite sure what set that bout of tears off.

But even in that moment of sobbing and grating cheese, my first instinct was that I needed some time with Jesus.  I needed to let him comfort my heart, pull me close and wipe my tears.  I needed him to speak truth and love to my heart.
And he has.

It's in these moments that he reminds me of his character.  That he is good.  That he is love.  That he is faithful.  And that I can trust him.

I honestly don't know how people deal with things when they don't have Jesus.  Because in those moments when I break down, it's not especially pretty.  But in even the tears, there's still hope.   There's still peace.  There's still the gentle whisper of God's love.

And in those whispers, God reminds me that his love travels many miles.  And the love that this family and I have for each other will travel many miles.  Distance won't change the love we have for each other.  It just may have to change the way that love is expressed. Vacations to see each other instead of every weekend.  Letters, texts, emails, and Skype dates instead of lunch dates, coffee dates, and sleep overs.  Still haven't found a replacement for the hugs yet though...I'll just have to stock up with as many as possible before they leave.

So basically, all this to say, I'm going to be sad.  And that's okay, because that means that I really love my friends and I'm going to miss them.  I'm going to be happy, because they're going to get to do awesome things where they're going and I'm going to get to do awesome things here.

And in all those moments, the happy and the sad, I'm going to run to Jesus.  Because he gets it.  He understands.  He knows.  And he gives some pretty awesome hugs too.  And my heart desperately needs them.





Sunday, December 7, 2014

Blown away...

Some days God just blows me away.

When I write here, I enjoy checking the stats feature to see how many people have been reading.  Sometimes I'm blown away by the amount of page views after I post something.  And sometimes it seems like just a drop in the bucket.

The page views aren't why I write.  I write because God keeps teaching me things and this is how I process.  I write to make the thoughts stop tumbling around in my head.

No, the page views aren't why I write, but they are a small nudge from God reminding me that other people are going through the same things and I should keep writing.

Which brings me to today...

I got on here just to check the stats page.  I had no intentions of writing today and I haven't written since mid-November.

Which is why I was blown away.

On Friday I had 81 page views.

That may not seem like a lot to you, but there are days when I write something and I only get 25-35 page views.  Sometimes, if I post a few days in a row, during peak traffic hours, I can get that number up into the 80s/90s/100s... but that's rare.  So to see 81 page views on a day when I hadn't written, during a week that I hadn't written, and the previous post before that was mid-November was humbling and exciting and a bunch of other emotions that I haven't fully identified yet.

It was like God reminding me that I write for a reason.  It's not just for me.  Other people need to know who Jesus is and that He loves them.  Other people need to know God's grace and mercy.

And through this blog, I get to have a small part in that.

Blown away.