Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Papa

In August my Papa passed away.  This is something I wrote shortly after.  I hope you enjoy it.


Papa was popcorn...with lots and lots and lots of butter.
Papa was puzzles...jigsaw, wordsearches, crosswords, they didn't cause him to shudder.
Papa was pistachios and nutcrackers,
games and fun.
Papa was.

Papa was stamp collecting...from all over the world.
Papa was scrapbooking...before it was cool.
Papa was late nights at sleepovers and eggs for breakfast.
Papa was

Papa was gardening and flowers...oh, how they bloomed.
Papa was jeopardy and wheel of fortune...he always got the clues.
Papa was zoo trips and picnics,
playdates and field trips.
Papa was.

Papa was quiet and humble...soft spoken he was.
Papa was prayer and faith...an example to all
Papa was serving and loving
joyful and true.
Papa was.



And because of all Papa was
We have become all we are.
Papa's "was" is, in us, Papa's "now".


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Change

The house is really quiet right now.  Everyone else is in bed, but I was still up doing homework that's due tomorrow.  Oh, the joys of grad school. (Which, by the way, I was accepted into! I know it's been a while since I posted).  And as I sit here in the quiet, I have some time to think.  A lot has happened over the past few months.  Change has happened.  Some of it's been really good.  Some of it's been really hard.  But change has to happen. Change has just seemed to happen more often lately.  Maybe it's partly because I'm just getting older, but in the last month or two, it's been happening in abundance. In August, I found out I was accepted into grad school.  A week later my Papa was admitted to the hospital.  A short four days later he was with Jesus (I'll admit, as much as I miss him, I'm slightly jealous he's hanging out with Jesus right now).  Right after that chaos, grad school started.  And then yesterday we dropped my baby sister off at college.  Yes, change is happening.




Yet, through all the change there is a constant.  Through all the chaos there is a peace.  God never changes.  He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  His love never changes. His holiness never changes.  So when I'm tired of all the changes happening around me, I look up.  I look to Jesus. Because he's not changing.  He's holding me as I might be fighting all the changes, but he stays the same.  In the chaos that is life, it brings incredible peace to know that God never changes.  That he is the one constant I can keep coming back to.

Change is good and necessary and sometimes bittersweet.  But what is better is the constant hope and love found in Jesus...it's unchanging, never-ending, always there.  That's the best.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Whispers...

I have to say, I'm a bit overwhelmed.  I haven't been on my blog in about a month.  I've been moving back home to Michigan and celebrating my sister's graduation from highschool.  In the midst of that all, I started looking at applying for Grad school.  The program I'm looking at is a MA in Written Communication with an emphasis in Teaching Writing.  And this weekend was just one of those weekends when I started questioning myself again.

As I found myself talking about future plans with old friends at grad parties, answering their questions about what I might be doing in the future and that I'm such a great writer, I heard these words come out of my mouth, more than once, in response to their praise: "Yeah, I guess..."  Seriously??? I love to write.  It's a passion.  I love to teach.  I've wanted to teach for years. And that's what comes out of my mouth when people tell me I have a gift?

But that was honestly how I was feeling.  I was having trouble, once again, thinking that I am gifted in this area.  I was having trouble believing that God had a purpose in my writing.

And then, just a few moments ago, I got on here.  And I was literally blown away.  In fact I almost started crying.  You see, blogger has this tool that tells you how many people have read your blog on certain days (even specific hours if it's the current day), how they got to your blog,  what country they're from, and a whole bunch of other things.  It's pretty cool and if I've posted a lot then I tend to check it a lot.  But I hadn't posted in over a month and I hadn't checked my "stats" in over a month.  I even have a list going of all the different countries that read my blog.  Normally views are way down if I haven't written lately.  But today.  Today was different.  I got on and saw that yesterday, when I was doubting my writing ability, I had 27 page views.  Today, I'd had ten already.  Last month, when I posted only one or two times, there were over 100 pages views.  That may not seem like a lot to some people.  But to me it means there are people actually reading this.  People who keep coming back to read.  When I got on today, three new countries had viewed my blog.  I have readers in Iran, Slovenia, Croatia, Australia, the United Arab Emirates, China, Japan, and more.  And God blew me away.

It was his gentle voice I heard saying, "Look, people are reading.  You have a gift.  I have given you that gift.  Use it.  Hone it.  Pursue it.  Teach others to use their gifts. Don't believe the lie for a minute that you can't write. I have given you the ability to write.  I have given you the ability to create.  You are made in my image and I love you. Work hard. Don't give up."

And I needed to hear that whisper.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Power and Love

I was reading in Acts today and was just struck by how powerful God is and how much he cares for individual people.  I think sometimes we just gloss over how powerful he is and we know that he loves the world, but sometimes I think we forget he loves individuals.

His power is enough to take Paul (who was at the time Saul) and change him from a zealous persecuting machine, to a zealous Jesus preaching missionary.  His power is enough to raise the woman Tabitha back to life. His power is enough to put Phillip in the exact right place at the right time.  His power is awesome.

And his love.  Did you notice that in each of those instances it was an individual that God chose to invade?  It was one person God chose to speak to on the road to Damascus.  It was one person God chose to raise back to life in that instance.  It was one person that needed to hear about what Jesus had done and how he had fulfilled prophecy.

His power.  His love.  There is nothing else like it.  It's personal.  God loves you.  He longs to meet you right where you are.  If you're dead, he longs to give you back life.  If you are intensely working against him, he longs to turn that passion into working for him.  If you have questions, he longs to answer them.  God is totally in the miracle working business.  And he longs to work those miracles in your life.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Alone and Still

Alone time.  As an introvert I not only crave it at times, I need it to survive.  I love being with people.  But I love spending time alone.  I think we all need it. Even if you aren't an introvert.  I just happen to be more in tune to the fact that I need it because I am.  But time alone is good.  Time to reflect.  Time to process.  Time to be quiet before God.

It can be really hard to be still in this world.  It's really easy to get caught up in our life and everything that needs to be done or that we want to do.  But our relationship with God is a two way street.  We need to listen and be still and stand in awe of him just as much as we need to talk to him.  Think about it.  When was the last time you were just enthralled by his beauty?  When was the last time you were breathless because of his power?  When was the last time you were still?

As much as I like my alone time, I don't always use it well.  I get caught up in doing things.  Or I waste the time by doing unimportant things.  When what I really need to do is just be still and worship.  When I really just need is to be still and know.

Psalm 46:10  "Be still, and know that I am God!"

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Promises

I've had a pretty sweet weekend. My grandparents came to visit and we went to Shipshewana.  It was pretty fun even with all the rain. Also happening this weekend, I'm officially dating someone pretty special. And then today I helped my cousin make cupcakes.  It's always an interesting day to help him bake, but it's oh so much fun and I wouldn't trade it for anything.





























One of the things I loved about Shipshewana was all the Bible verses that were around.  There were all these plaques and decorative wall hangings with sayings (my grandparents' favorite was the multitude of ones that said "Always kiss me goodnight") and many with Bible verses.  Perhaps one of my favorites that kept showing up was from Isaiah 43:1.

"Do not be afraid for I have RANSOMED you. I have called you by name; you are mine."

I love it.

He knows my name.  He paid for me.  He says my name.  And I am his.  There is such power in that.  And so tonight, I read the rest of the chapter.  And let me tell you, I have this chapter underlined pretty well, but it never gets old. The promises in this chapter are amazing.  Go read it. You won't be sorry.  I sure wasn't.

I needed that reminder.  I needed the reminder of how deep God's love is for me.  Of how he ransomed me.  Of how precious he thinks I am. Of how he honors me.  Of how I've been chosen.  And of how he proclaims all of this to the world.

He doesn't keep his love for us quiet.  He proclaims it.  With every sunrise, every sunset, every rainbow, every budding flower, every scrap of color shouts his love for us.

I feel like there is just so much in this chapter and not enough room to type it all.  So read it.  Tell me your favorite part or parts. Share what God is teaching you through this passage.

And maybe I'll get back to it another night, but I want you to hear God's voice as you read this passage.  Not mine.  What is God teaching you tonight?

P.S. The cupcakes aren't quite finished and my camera battery is almost dead... so you'll just have to use your imagination... but they look good so far!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Road Through Ephesus... A Call To Holiness Ephesians 2:22

It's very warm and humid down here today.  Which isn't bad until I want to sleep and then I'll be miserable.  I don't like it cold and I don't like it sticky and hot.  I would like a happy medium please.  Well, I decided since I've been putting off writing about the last verse of Ephesians 2 that I should remedy that situation and get back to it.  I have just had a hard time coming up with what to write about this verse.  Part of me feels that I keep saying a lot of the same things over and over again, but I'm ready to possibly say the same thing again and jump back in.

Here we go:

Ephesians 2:22

"Through him you Gentiles are also being made part of this dwelling where God lives by his Spirit."

I don't know about you, but I think that's pretty exciting.  We who were once outcasts, who had no hope of a relationship with God, have become a part of the family of God and he lives in us by his Spirit.  How cool is that???  We were so far separated from him, but God made a way to get back to him and now he lives in us.

He chose us.  We've discussed that. But he didn't just choose us.  He lives in us.  He has made us his dwelling place.  The one who created the universe chose to live in us.  That's pretty amazing.

1 Corinthians 3:17 "For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple."

2 Corinthians 6:16 "For we are the temple of the living God."

I love that first one.  Because in it, we aren't only called to be holy, it says we are holy.  Because the God who loves you enough to die for you lives in you and gives you his holiness.  His holiness covers you.  It covers me.  It's incredible.  

Because if I think about it, there are many times when I don't feel holy.  There are many times when I don't choose the holy thing to do.  But God still calls me holy, because when he looks at me, he sees his holiness covering me.  Because he lives in me.

But even though his holiness covers me, that doesn't mean I can do whatever I want.  Because his holiness covers me, it pushes me to choose the right thing.  It pushes me to honor him.  It pushes me to love and obey him.

It's not always easy.  Okay, really, it's never easy.  But it's right.  His holiness calls us to a higher living.  

So this week, I want to strive for that. I want to strive to live holy.  Not because I have to, but because his holiness, his love, his Spirit living in me calls me to live a holy life.  

Will you join me?  Will you let him call you to a holy life?

Monday, May 9, 2011

Knowing my heart

Coughing sucks.  I was told today that I sounded like an asthmatic. And I do, it's kinda sad.  Allergies are upon us and even though my new allergy meds are working, I can't take too deep of a breath or I go into a coughing fit.  Or I just go into a coughing fit for no apparent reason.  It makes me tired.

But these last few days have been good as well.  I've had some fun phone conversations and even had some time to just rest which I desperately needed.  It was good.  There's a reason God tells us to take a sabbath.  Our bodies can't handle going without stopping.  And my body needed to rest to handle the upcoming week. Especially if I'm going to be coughing like this for any length of time.

I got to spend some time with a friend tonight.  And we just talked and relaxed and got to know what was happening in each other's lives.  It was good.

It's those times, those relaxing, rejuvenating, kairos times, that allow us to continue living without going insane. And it's in those times that we can be quiet before God and listen to him.  We can get to know his heart.  And it's a time when he can reveal our hearts too us.  Because all too often, I don't know my own heart.  And until I spend some time with my Jesus, I won't know.  He knows my heart so well.  Way better than I could ever hope to know.  And I love that.

(And I couldn't pick just a few verses from this chapter... so I put the whole one :-)

Psalm 139

For the choir director: A psalm of David.
 1 O Lord, you have examined my heart
      and know everything about me.
 2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
      You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
 3 You see me when I travel
      and when I rest at home.
      You know everything I do.
 4 You know what I am going to say
      even before I say it, Lord.
 5 You go before me and follow me.
      You place your hand of blessing on my head.
 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
      too great for me to understand!
 7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
      I can never get away from your presence!
 8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
      if I go down to the grave, you are there.
 9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
      if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
 10 even there your hand will guide me,
      and your strength will support me.
 11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
      and the light around me to become night—
    12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
   To you the night shines as bright as day.
      Darkness and light are the same to you.
 13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
      and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
      Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
 15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
      as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
 16 You saw me before I was born.
      Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
   Every moment was laid out
      before a single day had passed.
 17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
      They cannot be numbered!
 18 I can’t even count them;
      they outnumber the grains of sand!
   And when I wake up,
      you are still with me!
 19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
      Get out of my life, you murderers!
 20 They blaspheme you;
      your enemies misuse your name.
 21 O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
      Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
 22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
      for your enemies are my enemies.
 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
      test me and know my anxious thoughts.
 24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
      and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Pleasing People

Today was an absolutely gorgeous day.  I love being able to have windows open and being able to be outside without a coat.  It makes me happy.  Even if it does mean that my allergy meds have to work overtime.  And it was a wonderful day to celebrate and honor moms, even if I spent my day far away from mine.

Church this morning was wonderful.  Something that caught my attention during the sermon was when he started talking about how we can't worry too much about what other people think about us. *Sigh* Apparently I needed to hear this yet again.  I really struggle with this.  I don't like conflict or people being upset or angry.  I like to make people happy.  And I get called a pushover which at times I am.  But it's a problem.  Because way too often I care more about what other people think of me instead of thinking and caring about what God thinks about me.

If I'm not careful, I can spend my life trying to please everyone around me, when instead I need to do what God has called me to do without excuse.  I need to focus on him and put on blinders for the rest of the world.  There is nothing wrong with enjoying putting a smile on another person's face, the problem is when I avoid the conflict that needs to happen or stray from doing what I know is right because of what people may think.

It's something I'm constantly working on and one of my favorite verses about this is Galatians 1:10:

"Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God.  If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant."

My goal can't be to please people.  That cannot be what I am striving for.  I can't always make everyone around me happy.  But I can do what I know is right no matter what I think people may think about me.  I can strive to honor and bring glory to God through all my actions and words.

So I'm fighting the people pleaser within me.  It rears its head at the most inopportune times.  But with the power of Christ in me, it will be overcome. Because sin has been defeated and my savior won.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Endurance

Endurance.  It's something I thought about a lot at the beginning of this school year.  I had just moved several hours away from home and started a new job and all I could think about was enduring.  And when I thought about enduring, it wasn't in the most positive light.  Teeth gritting endurance.  But God started changing my perspective. Endurance doesn't have to be a chore.  It can be a joyful time.  And even though this year has had its ups and downs, I've endured.  And it has become an endurance that comes from joy and contentment.  An endurance that displays the strength of my Father.

In the beginning of this year I found these verses:

"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul-- not the grim strength of gritting your teeth, but the glory strength God gives.  It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful he has for us."
Colossians 1:11-12


Now they are taped to one of my notebooks.

In the beginning they were a constant prayer.  I didn't think I could endure.  I wasn't sure I could make it.  But I did.  And there was joy in the enduring. That was completely mind blowing to me. That God could replace my fear and teeth gritting with joy and contentment. And you know what did it?  It was the truth in this verse (another one that adorns my notebook):

"He kept right now going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible." Hebrews 11:27b


And it's true.  When your eyes are on Jesus, you can keep right on going.  He will lead. He will guide.  And he'll take that teeth gritting and turn it into a beautiful expression of faith.  It becomes joy filled.  And that's something that only God can do.  And it's pretty awesome.  Because when you don't think you have the strength to endure any more, when you're sure that you aren't strong enough, when you're ready to give up and walk back to Michigan, God makes it a time of joy because of what HE can do.  Because of his power.  And he gets the glory.

And that's just awesome.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Aware

I love getting my hair done.  Having someone else wash it and blow dry it is like heaven.  And then the scalp massage...it makes me relaxed just thinking about it.  That's what I did yesterday after school.  I feel like that was really the start of my weekend in some ways.  I got my hair done, went to my Bible study for game night, talked to someone special on the phone, got to wear jeans to work this morning because it's Friday, and was gone on a field trip all day long. It was wonderful. And I definitely almost fell asleep on the bus, apparently I'm still really relaxed.

We need days like that.  Days that are relaxing and fun.  Days where we stop thinking about all the bad news on TV and just enjoy the world God created. Those are the days that rejuvenate our spirits.

It struck me as I wrote that last sentence, that I don't remember the last time I just enjoyed God's creation.  Sure, every once in a while I'll see something that makes me go, "Wow, God." But rarely do I spend a chunk of time.  Rarely do I specifically set time aside to just take it in.  I'm not a super outdoorsy girl.  I happen to prefer hotels over tents any day.  But there is something to be said about just taking in God's creation.  Whether it's the people I work with everyday, or a smile on someone's face, a flower in bloom, or the fact that my new allergy medicine might be working, I want to be aware.  I want to live aware.  Aware of the life around me.  Aware of what God is doing in my heart and in the hearts of the people around me.

Aware. Seeing. Understanding. Reaching. Working where God has me. Serving those God brings into my life. That's living life aware.

"They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them.  For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities-- his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God."
Romans 1:19-20


Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Lists and Heart Talk

I don't really have a lot to say tonight so I thought I'd make some lists for you.  Lists to help you get to know me better.  Lists of what I've been thinking about lately.  So.  First, a list of things I really really like:

1. Lists :-) They make me very very happy.

2. Not having to pack my lunch (and still having food to eat because of an awesome PTO!)

3. Not having to scrape my car in the morning (though it's supposed to frost tonight...sad)

4. Driving to work in the daylight and not with the moon still out!

5. Cough drops. They make my life so much better.

6. Long phone conversations with people I like to talk to.

7. Countdowns.  I have a whiteboard full of them.

8. Field Trips!!

9. Sleep :-)

10. Yummy beef burritos that I made from Mrs. Tappen's recipe. So good.

Things I don't like:

1. Packing my lunch :-)

2. Scraping my car in the morning.

3. The fact that my allergy meds aren't working and apparently I need to switch.

4. Students who are disrespectful.

5. Gas prices.  It's making it rough going to and from Michigan.

And there's probably more, but I hate being negative (whoops, there's number 6). So let's move on to better topics.

I love when Jesus speaks directly to my heart.  Usually it's no more than a gentle reminder that he's here with me, that he cares for me, or that something's happening that I need to pay attention to, but I love it.  There were times when I was not close to God at all.  I had turned away and couldn't hear him anymore.  And that's what I missed the most.  But God.  He gently pursued me and loved me.  He brought me to a place where I could hear his voice again.  And I love it.  It's precious because I know what it's like to not hear his voice.  It makes it that much more specail to hear it.

And now I'm rambling and my contacts are going in and out of focus so I'll stop.  But my heart is pretty much bursting with thankfulness right now over who my God is.  Because he's amazingly awesome and everyone should know him.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Safe

I have a favorite spot to sit in to read.  It's true.  If you don't believe me, just ask my parents to show you pictures.  I have been sitting in the same place to read for years.  In my opinion it's the best place in the house to read.  It's in the living room, at the end of the couch closest to the lamp.  It's quiet, the light is good, and, well, I like corners.

That may sound odd, but I've been thinking about it lately.  If you give me a choice of where to sit, I'll choose the end of the couch so I can tuck myself into the corner.  Usually I'll curl up with my feet under me and a pillow on my lap.  I like things touching me.  Sitting in the middle of the couch is discomforting to me.  We have oversized chairs in our family room and when I'm home for the weekend, I'll squeeze in with my mom.  It's not because I like to be cramped.   But there is something about being small and having pillows and chair arms around that makes me feel rather safe. Protected even.

It's why, when my dad is sitting on the couch, I'll curl up next to him. It probably explains why I love to cuddle. It's why in the winter I'll sleep with four blankets, a comforter, and a sheet on top of me.  Someone suggested I get an electric blanket if I'm that cold, but that defeats the purpose. I like the weight.  I like feeling safe.

God does that for me.  He makes me feel safe.  He reminds me that I'm not alone.  He holds me.  And while I know that God asks me to do incredibly risky things, it's like doing them with the weight of my blankets, or in the corner of the couch.  I know he's there.  I can feel him holding me in the crook of his arm.

Like babies who sleep best when they are held close because they realize they are safe, I know I'm safe in my Father's arms.  That doesn't mean that my life will be easy, risk free, failure free, hurt free, or pain free. It simply means that I know who holds me. And I know his plan is for my good.  Whatever comes, he will still hold me.

Safe does not equal nothing bad ever happening to me.  It means that when bad stuff does happen, I still trust that my God is holding me in the palm of his hand.  It means that I still trust.  It means I still have a hope.  It means that my eternity is still safe and secure in him.

And that's what being safe means.

"I am not asking you to take them out of this world, but to keep them safe from the evil one." John 17:15 (Jesus praying for US!)

Monday, May 2, 2011

God Sized Moments

Moments.  God has a lot to say about moments and time.  Moments are special.  I happen to love those little moments where the little things happen.  The moments when I can hear God whispering to my heart.  The moments when I stop and listen.  The moments are where life happens.

Yet too often we forget to invite God into the moments.  We just go along our daily lives knowing he's out there, but forgetting to invite.  And invitations are nice.  I love knowing that I'm being thought of and I think God feels the same way.  He's waiting to be invited into the moments.

Still, I know that all my moments aren't pretty.  There are moments when I act in sin or when I am being completely overwhelmed by temptation.  But those are the moments that we need to invite God into the most.  He loves us. Deeply. Passionately. With a never-ending, unfailing, unfathomable love.  And those moments that I feel the most unlovable, are the moments I need to invite him into to show me how wrong I am.

I'm starting to see that every moment is a God size moment.  Every moment deserves to have his touch, his power, and his grace. That touch, that power, that grace, makes temptation flee.  It silences the condemnation and the judging voices.  By inviting God into those moments, I'm inviting God to take care of things.  It's not my power or my ability any more. It's Jesus. Working in me. Working through me.  Changing me. Shaping me.  Building me into his woman.

So.  I'm working on making every moment a God sized moment.  I'm working on inviting him to take part in the life that happens in moments. Moments are special.  And I have a God who cares about each moment of my day.  Who wants to savor the specialness with me.  Who wants to fight for me.  I like that.

"For the King trusts in the Lord.  The unfailing love from the Most High keeps him from stumbling."
Psalm 21:7

"For I am always aware of your unfailing love..."
Psalm 26:3a


Sunday, May 1, 2011

Fear

Fear.  It's not a fun word. It's not a fun emotion to experience.  There are times and places where fear is a good thing.  Fear can keep us from harm.  But if we allow it to, fear can also keep us from what God's best is for us.

That's the kind of fear I battle on almost a daily basis.  I have the normal silly fears of heights, roller coasters, and creepy crawly things.  But I also have the fears that seem at times to define me.  And those fears are what can keep me from doing what I know God has called me to do.

Recently, I've been battling fear in new areas.  But at the same time, it's a familiar fear.  It's the fear of change, the fear of failure, and the fear of being vulnerable and real all wrapped up together.  It's fear that I've battled before, only the situation is different.

Healthy fear can help keep me safe.  Unhealthy fear will harm and cripple me.

And so I battle.  Day after day.  Sometimes experiencing victory and sometimes giving into the fear.  And that's when I hear God's whisper:

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..." (1John 4:18a)

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified...for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)

And then I have a choice.  I can choose to believe that what God has said is true.  That his perfect love (because his love is the only perfect love I know of) will chase my fear out.  That he will be with me. Always. I can choose to trust the One who has more than proved himself trustworthy.  Or I can choose to wallow in my fear.  I can choose to say that I think God is a liar, because I don't believe what he has said in his word.

And frankly, I don't want to be the one to call God a liar.

So here's my choice.  I am choosing to believe God.  I am choosing to allow him to perfectly love me and replace my fear with his love.  I am choosing to trust him.  Because he is believable.  He is trustworthy.  And his very name is LOVE.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Trust

One of the first things that I do when I get to work in the morning is check out BibleGateway's verse of the day.  I love it.  It helps to set the mood of my day and when I get frustrated in the middle of the day, I steal a moment to stop in to my office to read it again.  It's so important for me to refocus throughout the day.  I take some time to reread the scripture from that morning and pray.  For my student, for myself, for the other students and staff I encounter everyday.

Anyways all that to say that I loved today's verse.  I love that I made it back to my office to read it at least three or four times today.  The verse was Jeremiah 17:7-8:


"But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.  They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

Today this was a reminder to trust in God. To put my confidence and hope in him.  To rely on him.  Because I want to be like that tree.  I don't want to fear when hard times, stressful times, and times of testing come.  I don't want to worry when emptiness seems to come flooding in. I don't want to worry when I feel lonely or just dry and tired.  I want to bear fruit. I want to be healthy and grow.  I want God's blessing.

I want to trust.  And I'm working on it.  It seems to be going slowly somedays.  The days when I want to go back to my office (which happens to be padded/sound proof) and scream for a few seconds or minutes depending on my mood.  And then there's the days that are good.  The days when I'm ready to work for longer because my student is getting things, or the rest of the students are behaving and I get to have some fun with them.

Trusting isn't easy.  But it's necessary. And it's coming.  Slowly, but it's happening.

Thankfulness

127.  Long walks on nice days


128. Beautiful spring days


129. Co workers who understand what I'm going through


130. Drew "creating" signs :-)


131. March Madness Craziness


132. New shorts that fit and are smaller than last summer's


133. A new summer/spring wardrobe that looks like spring/summer


134. Sitting cross legged.... it just makes me happy


135. The chance to observe other interpreters work


136. Popcorn





137. Text messages that encourage, make me laugh, and point me to Jesus
























 



Sunday, March 20, 2011

Bigger

 This last week has been a little rough.  I'll be the first to admit it.  There were a couple of days that were rougher than others.  Some days were relaxing and beautiful.  Some days were full of stress and me screaming, "WHY?!?!?!"  But as I've had the chance to spend time outside this week, walking and taking in God's creation all around me, my spirit has become settled.  And as I read Isaiah 40, it speaks directly to my heart and leads me into a time of worship.  Here, read for yourself:

Isaiah 40:27-28

"O Jacob, how can you say that the LORD does not see your troubles?  O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?  Have you never heard?  Have you never understood?  The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth.  He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depth of his understanding."

So in the midst of my screaming "WHY?!?!?!", God didn't answer me.  He didn't tell me why such and such was happening, why I was in the middle of things, why I was having a crappy day.  And he doesn't have to.  He's the Creator of the universe and he doesn't owe me an explanation.  Yet he told me something that soothed my heart.  That calmed me and drew me to him.  He told me he understood.  He told me he saw.  And he told me that he was bigger than what was happening.  And for that moment, it was enough.

Honestly, a lot of the times when I'm upset or angry and I start talking to someone, I don't want them to fix it.  I just want them to listen. To hear what I'm saying.  To see and acknowledge that I am beyond frustrated.  To simply look at me and be understanding enough to let me vent.  And that's incredibly satisfying to my heart.  And usually I come to terms with things and can move on.

And that's what God promises in this passage.  He doesn't promise that everything will be okay.  He doesn't promise that pain and trouble will not happen.  He promises that he will see it, that he will not ignore it, that he understands it, and that, ultimately, he is bigger than it.

So when I'm weak and weary and ready to walk back to Detroit, he's strong and full of energy and ready to hold me.  He's in the midst of what I'm going through.  He understands people being stupid.  He understands how much I love these high schoolers and how much I want to see them know him and how much my heart aches when I see them not following him.

And he's so full of mercy and grace. Little snippets of conversations that make me hope that loving these kids isn't in vain.  Little breakthroughs that show me a glimpse of how God is working behind the scenes. Strength for confrontations I didn't want to have, but needed to happen.  And literal "signs" of love as I watch girls sign a song that I'm working with them on.  They are all reminders that God is listening.  That he is here.  And that he cares, deeply, for me.

God is truly amazing.





 Weekend Bloggy Reading



Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Surrender Plans

The weather is beautiful right now.  When I got home from another long, somewhat stressful day at work I slipped on flip flops for the first time in months.


Two members of the family have already headed out for a bike ride before dinner.  I'm hoping to take a walk later.


And even in all this beauty around me, the day has been a little stressful.  I'm reminded to surrender.  It's such a pesky word.  One that I don't really care for actually.  Because, let's face it, as much as I try to deny it, I like to be in control.  I like things done my way.  But surrender isn't only needed, it's necessary.

As I've walked through the past few days, and anticipate the next few, I've had to surrender my plans and my ways numerous times.  If I had had my way, in my perfect world, such and such a situation never would have happened.  But the truth is, it did happen.  And other stuff happens.  And it's not a perfect world.  I'm not perfect either.  However, I serve and know the one who is.  And he's asking me to, once again, surrender to his plans.  

I don't know what the future holds. But God does.  And as much as I'd like to tell him at times what I think it should hold, I'm choosing to surrender.  There are days when it's more of a struggle than normal.  And there are days when it doesn't seem to be a problem at all.  But everyday  needs to be one of surrendering and letting go. Letting God work in the middle of the messes.

I don't really know what's next.  So I'm waiting and praying and following God's leading with the people he's placed in my life right now.  And I know that whatever happens, God will get the glory, when I surrender to him.

       
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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Promise plans

Today was a stressful day.  It was stressful for many reasons that I actually can't tell you, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Part of the reason it was/is so stressful is that I don't know what the end result will be. Which, when I stop and think about it, God never promised I would know.

And so today, I've been mediating and consumed with thoughts of his plans.  And several verses continued popping up in my head (and on my computer screen when I googled).  So as I reflect and trust what these verses say, I hope you will do the same.

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

Isaiah 55:8

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Jeremiah 29:11

"But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations."

Psalm 33:11

 "The LORD Almighty has sworn, "Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand."

Isaiah 14:24

And that's the hope that I have.  That even though I don't know God's plans: He does.  And he's proven himself faithful in the past and he will continue to be faithful in the future. And this I know: Every promise of God is true. So I will trust him. 


Monday, March 14, 2011

The Road Through Ephesus... Carefully and Uniquely Ephesians 2:21

Today is Pi day (3.14) and we are celebrating by having pot pies for dinner followed by a Hershey's Chocolate Creme Pie for dessert. Yum.  And the weather is beautiful outside and it promises to stay beautiful for most of this week.  So other than I'm still fighting a cold, this Monday has been pretty good so far.

And since it's been so wonderful, I thought maybe we could add to that and jump back into Ephesians.  We're almost at the end of chapter two!  I can hardly believe it!  Anyways, Ephesians:

Ephesians 2:21

"We are carefully joined together in him, becoming a holy temple for the Lord."

When I first looked at this verse there was one word that jumped out at me right away: carefully.  In this verse it describes how we are joined together in him.  And I love it.  Maybe because I have a hard time doing anything carefully.  It doesn't matter how hard I try to be careful, many times the klutz in me comes out instead.  Whether is breaking something that's delicate (it's why I try not to own anything that will break too easy), twisting my knee (more times than I can count), or hitting myself in the face while signing (I think my depth perception must be off, but the kids get a laugh out of it), I struggle with being careful.

And the fact that this verse declares about us being carefully joined together in Christ is beautiful.  He treats us with care.  But not only that, we each have a specific place, a specific design in his house, as his church.  He places us with care, knowing our uniqueness.  He knows our desires, our gifts, our passions.  He's created us to fit perfectly and carefully into the body, into his temple.

Because he has redeemed us and bought us, we are his holy temple. The Greek for the word that is translated holy is hagios. The word implies something that is set apart or different.  Something that is distinguished, distinctive, and unique. Which is what we are to be in Christ.  We are to be like him and different from the world.

I love it because God knows our uniqueness and uses that to place us carefully and perfectly.  And, as a body of believers, all our uniqueness that he has given us comes together to form a temple for him that is unique and distinctive.  It has the very essence of Christ written all over it.  It's built into the walls and stamped in the concrete.

It's beautiful.

Thankfulness...


111. Uniqueness that has Jesus written all over it


112. The need to use my sunglasses for more than just the glare off the snow.




113. Celebrating the little holidays in fun ways.


114. A desk with a white board top to write my to-do  list and shopping lists on.




115. Knowing that spring is coming!


116. Early bedtimes.


117. Chocolate cupcakes. Yum!


118. Students who want and ask for my help!!


119. Weekends


120. The things that make having a cold more bearable.




121. Skype dates with the bestie.


122. Translating music in ASL


123. Cracks in life


124. Everyday silliness


125. Hot Vanilla Chai Tea with Truvia


126. A friend who understands translating problems and is willing to help work through them.











Sunday, March 13, 2011

The Little Things

As I sit here sipping my hot tea because I am once again sick, I'm thinking about the small things.  The things that by themselves don't seem all that important.

I happen to love the small things.  The little things that make me happy.  My favorite dessert (basically chocolate), my favorite worship song, a smile.

I think God speaks through the little things.  They're his love letters to us.

But sometimes we get so caught up in life that we miss the small things.  We miss the small signs that tell us that something big is going to happen.

I've definitely been there.  All of the sudden, one day, noticing that there are leaves on trees.  When if I had just been paying attention I would have noticed the small changes taking place.





So often in my own life, I just see what I want the end result to look like.  And I just know that I'm not there yet.  I forget to take time to rejoice in the small changes.  The changes that get me one step closer to where I need to be.  All those little changes add up.  All those little changes are growth.  And when there's enough little changes, it's like the leaves all of a sudden showing up on the trees or flowers sprouting from earth.  It's the little changes that make life, life.

Perhaps this year, I've been a little more in tune to the signs of spring.  After this long winter, I'm eager to see in any sign of spring.  This week I want to live in tune to the little things God is doing in my life.  I want to see the signs of his love.  I want to see little ways that I'm growing closer to him.  Because just as spring will eventually get here as each little change happens, so I will eventually look like Jesus as each little change occurs in my life.

"For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness.  I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."

Isaiah 43:19



 Weekend Bloggy Reading