Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Fighting the Crazy

There are days I feel downright crazy for doing what I'm currently doing. Even though I believe God is asking me to walk this walk, it seems to fly in the face of conventional wisdom.  Or maybe I just think it does.  I told you, I feel downright crazy some days.

You know when I feel the most crazy?  When I spend too much time on what ifs.  When I spend too much time scrolling through the pithy quotes on Pinterest. When I spend too much time focusing on what I think everyone else would do in this situation.

And I realized something today... after spending 3 months feeling half insane (I'm not always the quickest learner)... I feel crazy because I'm taking my eyes off the one who matters: Jesus.  He is the one who has called me to walk this road.  And this road may not go on forever, but for right now, this is the road he has called me to walk. When I keep my eyes on him, I know I'm walking the way I'm supposed to walk.  When I let my eyes drift around to see what everyone else is thinking, I start feeling like I'm insane.

I don't like feeling crazy.

So I'm thankful for a God who keeps reminding me that right here, right now, he is asking me to trust him and walk this road not knowing how or where it will end. And I'm thankful that God has put friends in my life who when I start to feel crazy, remind me that I'm not.  That what I'm feeling is normal.  That as long as I'm following God, nothing else matters.  And that they'll support me as long as I believe God is asking me to walk this way.

And I spend a lot of time praying.  Praying that God will sync my heart with his for this walk. Praying that if God tells me to turn a corner and go down a different street that I'll have the courage to step out in obedience.  Praying that if God tells me to keep walking this same road I'll have the courage to trust and continue to obey him.

So right now, I'm going to keep praying and keep trusting and keep walking and fight to keep my eyes on the one who has called me to this road rather than on things that like to point out how crazy I am.  Because I like feeling at least a little sane.

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