Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Hard Nights and Healing

A part of me isn't sure I should post this.  But I try really hard to be open and honest on here and this is where my heart is at, so here it goes.

Nights are the hardest.

That might not make sense to you, but since my ex-boyfriend just broke up with me this past Friday (it's still weird calling him that), I've found the hardest times are at night.  These are the times I normally take to relax and these are the times I talked with him on the phone.

These are the times when I can't shut my mind off.

When I'm busy during the day, I'm okay.  I can hold it together fairly well because, well, with my schedule I barely have time to think about the work I need to get done let alone what's happened lately. But night is different.

If going to bed at 7:30 was a viable option, I think I would take it.  But it's not.  And that doesn't really solve the problem either because I just lay in bed and think.  

I've had to come up with some "coping" mechanisms... really they're healing mechanisms.

I process.  I blog.  I journal.  I cry.  I pray.  I read Scripture.  I listen to Jesus music.  And somehow I have begun to heal.

The thing about healing is that it doesn't take place overnight... as much as I would like it to.  God's timing isn't mine.  But His healing is the best.  And even now He sends encouragement and love letters to provide a balm to my heart.  I still have a long way to go with my healing, but it will come.

Healing is a process.  Nights are hard, but Jesus' love is greater.  Nothing can convince me otherwise.

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