So lately my mind has been on love and such. Maybe it's the fact that many of my friends are now engaged and I'm still single and waiting. Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that my cousin is getting married in couple of months and I'm standing up in the wedding. Whatever the reason, it's been hitting me lately how very single I am and how quite a bit of the time I'd rather not be. Don't get me wrong, some days I am really good with being single. Other days are a bit more trying as I continually learn how to be content with my life situation. All this to say, while trying to not think about this subject quite so much and not worry about the future, God reminded me of something I wrote in my journal after one of Cliff's messages at Lighthouse (on 1/4/09). So the following is the notes from my journal on that night and possibly some additional commentary now:
What Delighting Means...
"Take delight in the Lord and he will give you your heart's desires." Psalms 37:4
Delight doesn't mean I'm happy with God. It means that he is my everything-- my sustainer, my lover, my hope, my past, present, and future, and everything else I need (or desire).
My desires aren't really a boyfriend, to be famous, or to be the best at what I do, but rather they stem from a deep desire to be loved, appreciated, honored, and highly thought of.
When I delight in God, the desires of my heart are truly being met in every sense of the word. I am being loved, honored, cherished, treasured, esteemed, appreciated, and he thinks very highly of me. When I delight myself in God, my desires are met beyond what i ever could dream of-- because I have finally said, "God you are more than enough for me."
Back to the present. At times I wonder if I can truly say that God is more than enough for me. And even more than that, do I live like he's more than enough for me? Do I live like he's fulfilled the deepest desires of my heart? Most often the answer would sadly be no. Too often I look to people to fulfill what I see as the desires of my heart. But just as often, people can't provide the fulfillment of those desires. The desire continues, wanting, yearning to be filled. And too often I don't turn to the one who can fill it, the one who has already filled it if I would just realize it!
So I think with where my thoughts have been lately and what I've been thinking my desires are I needed to reread this. Don't get me wrong... I'm all for marriage and hope to be married myself one day :-) But a human is never going to fulfill the desires of my heart, only God can do that. Humans will fail, but God never fails. And this was a good reminder of some of the lessons that God has been teaching me lately.