Monday, October 4, 2010

Life...

I haven't had a computer for the past few weeks because it's been in for repairs.  It's still in for repairs, but they finally gave me a loaner after my dad called and yelled at them :-)  So when I finally get my computer back the repair shop will have had it longer than I did.  This is sad.  Very sad. 

My thoughts have been all jumbled up for the past few weeks.  I can't process without writing.  And it's way easier to type than to write by hand, though I have resorted to that a few times to keep from screaming.  So, now here I am.  Hands on the keyboard.  Processing emotions. Processing life.  Hanging on to my sanity.  I have missed this.  Tonight I just have the urge to write.  I feel like if I don't, I'll explode.  And I don't have time to do that since I have to work tomorrow.

Since I haven't had a computer for the last four weeks, this post might be totally and completely random.  Deal with it.

I went home this past weekend.  It was Heritage's Grand Opening service.  And it was amazing.  There are seriously no words to describe what God is doing through and in that church.  I miss it so much.  I think when I came back to Indiana, I left part of my heart in Michigan.  I wanted to minister there with everyone else and see what God is doing there.  I want to be a part of it in the day to dayness of it all.  So coming back to Indiana was hard.  But then, on my way home, I saw the coolest thing.  And it had God's fingerprints literally all over it.  I was driving along and had made it to about the Michigan Indiana border when it started raining a bit.  But then, I just glance over to my left and I see a rainbow.  I was so excited about that!  But as I continued driving the rainbow became stronger and stronger.  It was literally the brightest, most vibrant rainbow I have ever seen.  And then the second one appeared.  Yes, it was a double rainbow!  And you could at one point see the whole span of the first rainbow.  I have never seen anything like it.  It was God telling me that it was okay.  He understood where my heart wanted to be, but his promises were still good in Indiana and that's where he has placed me for now.  It was awesome.

Then I was about a half hour out from my Indiana home when I got a call from my aunt telling me that her friend's son wanted to know if I wanted to go to a college group with him to meet some people.  It would start about the time I would get back.  Now normally I would have said no, I needed some time to relax and recoup before work the next day.  Instead, before I really had time to process what I was doing, I said yes.  I hung up the phone wondering what I had just done.  I had gotten up early for church and had been driving for several hours, I really did not think I had the energy to go to this event, but now I was committed.  Well, I just have to tell you that I am so glad I did.   I met some really cool people who wanted to get to know me.  I felt like I fit with this group, like I belonged.  I felt like I had come home.  It was wonderful.  Even if I didn't get home until 11 and I think my hair still might smell like bonfire smoke.  It was worth it.

My great great aunt is in the hospital.  They've given her less than 24 hours to live at this point.  Her blood pressure is so low that they can't even get a reading on it when they tried to take it.  She's almost 92 years old and an amazing woman of faith.  Part of my heart is just breaking over this news.  Another part is happy that she won't be in any more pain, that she'll see her husband again, and that she'll see Jesus face to face.  But my heart hurts at the same time for the fact that we won't be seeing her for much longer.  I remember cooking with her up at her cottage.  I helped her and my great grandma (her sister) make fried chicken... and let me tell you, it was the best chicken I have ever had!

I'm working through emotions and what seems to be coming in the near future.  And then I'm working through the daily emotions I have.  Working with these high school students on a daily basis makes my heart break and rejoice all at the same time.  It breaks for what these kids are going through and that they don't know Jesus.  It rejoices over small victories: relationship building with them and good test grades.  I never thought I would say this, but I think these students have stolen my heart.  And that makes the pain and joy all the greater.

Sadly, I have to sign off for now, because my loaner computer is about to die.  But I promise it won't be this long again before I write again.

1 comment:

Emilie said...

I love you and your random posts. :)