Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Holy Hissyfits

I'm tired.  I could probably fall asleep at my computer right now if I really just gave up fighting it.  But if I go to bed now, I'll wake up too early tomorrow and then the cycle will repeat.  It's a no win situation. With all the snow we got yesterday, there wasn't even a 2 hour delay today.  It was sad.  I wanted more sleep and I didn't get it.

In other news, I'm going to be singing again.  For those of you who don't know, I love music.  And I love singing.  Growing up I sang.  I sang for church, for school, for fun.  I took voice lessons and sang in the car.  But when I graduated highschool, I stopped singing in front of people.  There were several reasons for this, but I took a break.  I still sang around the house and in the car and even did a couple of choirs, but I stopped with the performing and the worship leading.  Now it looks like I'll be picking it back up again.  I'm getting involved with the worship team at my church down in Indiana.  It's been a long time since I've done this and I hope I still can.  Especially since it could involve some harmony work and I've always struggled with harmony.  As naturally as most music comes to me, harmony and I struggle with each other.  I'm slightly terrified and cautiously excited.  It will be an adventure for sure.

So.  You remember how the verse I shared yesterday started out saying, (I'm paraphrasing now) "Come on, let's hash this out. Let's get to the bottom of this."?  Or as I believe one translation/paraphrase said, "Come. Sit down. Let's argue this out." ?  Well, that was me and God last night.  And it was about what it's almost always about: being single. Still.  There are days when I am perfectly okay, even enjoying, being single.  And there are days when all I want to do it throw a hissyfit (is that one word or two?) about it.  Yesterday was the latter.  I can't even pinpoint what exactly set it off.  I just know I was wanting to "argue this out".  And argue I did.  And I got to the same place I always get to, he's God, I'm not.  Ultimately I want his plans and his timing, because I know deep down it's for the best.  But perhaps what was most awesome was the verse my devotional was based upon last night:

"You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father."
John 14:13

Now I know this doesn't mean that I'll get exactly what I want if it's not in line with God's will and plan for me is, but this is what I do know from this: God is listening to me.  He hears my heart's cry.  He understands my frustration.  And he's working it out so that whatever happens, will happen to bring glory to the Father.  And that is way better than whatever I think my plans may be and whatever I think I may want.  He knows. He hears.  He understands. And his plan is best. Even in the midst of my "holy" hissyfits.

1 comment:

Emilie said...

"Holy hissyfits." I love it.