I was having some Jesus time last night and I came across a verse that blew me away. My mind is still working through the verse and processing it, but I thought I would share some of my thoughts anyways.
Here's the verse:
"I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night."
David was writing in this passage about longing for God. About desiring him. Think about it. When you lie awake at night thinking, what do you think about? For me it's usually the things I desire or want to see happen. I tend to daydream.
Yet this verse was so convicting. Too often as I lie in bed thinking, my thoughts are not of God and his goodness, his holiness, his mercy, his love. More often than not they're about a cute boy, a good friend, or future plans. Too often I think this is a reflection of what our hearts desire most. And that makes me sad, because it means that I desire all of these other things more than I desire God. Yes, sometimes I do lie awake at night thinking about him, meditating on what he has been teaching me lately. But more often than not, those aren't my thoughts.
I want that to change. I want my longing for God to trump all. I want my thoughts to clearly reflect the desire I have for God, the longing I have to just sit in his presence.
Still part of me is hesitant to do this. Perhaps because it means surrendering some of my dreams, what I think I desire. Yet, God knows my heart even better than I do. So, I'm holding on to another promise:
"Seek the kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need." Luke 12:31
Not everything I want, but everything I need. And not just part of what I need. He will gibe me EVERYTHING I need! Which if you consider it, God knows everything I need and everything I desire and His plans are, I'm sure, way cooler than mine.
"If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me." Jeremiah 29:13