"O Jacob, how can you say that the LORD does not see your troubles? O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights? Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depth of his understanding."
So in the midst of my screaming "WHY?!?!?!", God didn't answer me. He didn't tell me why such and such was happening, why I was in the middle of things, why I was having a crappy day. And he doesn't have to. He's the Creator of the universe and he doesn't owe me an explanation. Yet he told me something that soothed my heart. That calmed me and drew me to him. He told me he understood. He told me he saw. And he told me that he was bigger than what was happening. And for that moment, it was enough.
Honestly, a lot of the times when I'm upset or angry and I start talking to someone, I don't want them to fix it. I just want them to listen. To hear what I'm saying. To see and acknowledge that I am beyond frustrated. To simply look at me and be understanding enough to let me vent. And that's incredibly satisfying to my heart. And usually I come to terms with things and can move on.
And that's what God promises in this passage. He doesn't promise that everything will be okay. He doesn't promise that pain and trouble will not happen. He promises that he will see it, that he will not ignore it, that he understands it, and that, ultimately, he is bigger than it.
So when I'm weak and weary and ready to walk back to Detroit, he's strong and full of energy and ready to hold me. He's in the midst of what I'm going through. He understands people being stupid. He understands how much I love these high schoolers and how much I want to see them know him and how much my heart aches when I see them not following him.
And he's so full of mercy and grace. Little snippets of conversations that make me hope that loving these kids isn't in vain. Little breakthroughs that show me a glimpse of how God is working behind the scenes. Strength for confrontations I didn't want to have, but needed to happen. And literal "signs" of love as I watch girls sign a song that I'm working with them on. They are all reminders that God is listening. That he is here. And that he cares, deeply, for me.
God is truly amazing.